A void within me sits in its not-so-sweet embrace. A gloominess lurks around me, almost as if it were a part of my body. No matter where I am, in darkness or light, what prowls around me hits me like an ambush, ever so swiftly. Like the dark grey clouds that cover the sky before a storm, these feelings hover above me, below me, inside of me. They completely surround me, enveloping my being, and they gradually close in until they almost suffocate me. Almost.
It is a dark abyss that finds ways to grow on me. Most actions only end up nurturing it, helping it grow to a duskier nothingness. Not feeding the void is harder than one might think. Try fighting it and it shall fight back. Try avoiding it and it shall only strengthen it. And oh, giving in to it? That has its own risks. Be in control over yourself and you shall do better. Not be in control and you will find yourself in worse footing than before.
At times the emptiness may ask you to weep. Many times you will give in, many times you won’t. Although, in my experience, at a lot of instances, crying your heart out leaves you feeling lighter, better. In other cases, you may cry until the tears drown your soul, but the feelings, they persist. If you can shed some tears, it is all worth giving a try. Rebelling against the want to weep might be able to distract you from it all. But, it will all come back at a later time. Stronger than before. Making you feel much more horrible.
Further wandering into the midst of the darkness, we try to understand what exactly a monster is. Much of an individual’s early life is spent in being scared of the monsters that exist around them or, even, under their beds or maybe in their closets. The real monsters, however, are contained in one’s body, perhaps even in their consciousness. These are mightier and far more terrifying. Succumb to these and you shall bring wrath upon yourself. But no, do not fear either.
Inner demons are a part of us. Each and every individual has one form of it or the other. Many times when we are scared of them, we feed them. Just like fearing the void also feeds it. This needs to stop. Do not dread, for these monsters and voids will not be the death of you. Although, more often than not, you may feel like so. Dig deeper inside yourself. One by one, look for what terrifies you. Find the nihility. Track down the monsters. Confront. Externalize. Detach. This is how you get rid of them. Remember, these things are only as dangerous as you make them.
I will end this with a quote by Nietzsche, “Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster, and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
